My sweet Anna Kate,
I just wanted to write you a little letter and share with you some of the thoughts that have been much on my mind these past few weeks. On September 13th, just a little over a month ago, you turned 1. I cannot believe that. I cannot believe that it has nearly been two years since daddy and I held that pregnancy test in our hands and stared with joyful and tear-filled eyes as we read the word “pregnant” in the tiny screen. That was our first knowledge of you, our sweet one. A few weeks later we watched a larger screen fill up with pictures of you growing inside of my tummy. You were the size of a piece of rice; but even in your tiny state we could see your heart beating. That sight was incredible to behold. There you were, our baby, so tiny that if we held you, you would lay on our finger-tip, and here we were watching your heart beat! The Lord was molding you & growing you inside of me and daddy and I thrilled at the joy of watching it happen.
Over the next 9 months you grew, and grew, and grew. We heard your heartbeat, we felt your legs kick and your arms stretch, we watched as you distorted my tummy into odd shapes with your movements, and shook its surface with your hiccups. You changed every day and we had the best seat in the house to watch it happen. Though there were days that I was so sick I couldn’t move, though I gained several extra pounds, and watched as stretch marks made their way across my belly, I loved every day that I was pregnant with you. The changes in my body and the sick days were worth every minute because I was blessed with the precious gift of carrying you inside of me. The Lord had chosen me to be your mommy and as I rubbed my ever-growing tummy and thought of my beautiful baby girl growing inside of me, I thanked Him over and over for His grace in choosing me. The sick days have long since passed and the pounds have come off, but the stretch marks have remained. They’ve faded a bit, but they are still there, and I love them. They are marks of those wonderful 9 months that I held you inside of me, of the growing that happened, literally and in my heart as I prepared to be your mommy, and I love them.
When September 13th, 2011 rolled around, my tummy was full of butterflies. Daddy and I enjoyed a sweet morning at home together and then drove to the hospital, our excitement growing every minute. As we parked the van, we looked at each other, smiled, and said, “the next time we drive home we will be a family of three.” We couldn’t believe the day was finally here! Fast forward 10 hours later and the time had come. We were about to meet you. I remember Dr. Nett saying, “just one more push and she’s here.” One more push and there you were. Dr. Nett lifted you up, placed you directly in my arms and, for the first time, I held my daughter in my arms. I just stared at you. Your round head, your puffy cheeks, your perfect little nose, your tiny finger and toes, eyes just like your daddy’s……and you were perfect. What I felt at that moment is truly indescribable. The connection I felt to you, the comfort of holding you in my arms, the joy of seeing our daughter face to face, and the love, oh the love. So.much.love.
That night, after everyone had gone home, and it was just you, daddy, and I, I just remember watching daddy hold you and stare at you and talk to you, and I truly felt like my heart was going to burst. I had no idea that I could love two people that much. When I first fell in love with your daddy, I remember thinking what a new and unknown, yet natural and deep emotion it was. I loved him as I had never loved any other human being, and the more days that have passed since that time the deeper my love for him grows. I have a different kind of love for you, but the first time I held you in my arms, I had the same thoughts. The love I felt for you was new and unknown, but so natural and deep; and with every day that passes, my love for you deepens. You two are more precious to me than anything else in this world, and as I watched you two together that night, all I could do was whisper little tear-filled prayers of gratitude and praise to the Lord for gifting me with these two amazing lives to love and cherish. My heart overflowed……..and does even more today.
Those first moments with you, my sweet Anna Kate, are moments that I will never forget. Moments that I will cherish for a lifetime. Moments that bring happy tears to my eyes as I write this now. Moments that humble me by such beautiful evidences of the Lord’s great grace in my life. I thank Him daily that He granted me the beautiful privilege of being your mommy. I pray that I glorify Him in the way I fulfill my role.
These are just a few thoughts I’ve wanted to share with you, my darling daughter. There are so many more I want to share with you, and I will share more soon.
I am joyfully overwhelmed that you are my daughter.
I love you forever, my little.